STRAW PILLOWS

Atop Wudan, the nights were always especially cold.

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We would sleep on concrete floors with straw pillows and blankets were forbidden. Many of the students would opt to do their chores in the middle of the night in an attempt to stay warm and then try to steal sleep during meditation in the warmer afternoons.

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Of course Po was aware of this, and every so often would pluck a perpetrator from morning exercise and beat him severely.

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It’s a risk many children took, for it is very difficult to sleep when you are cold. But I wanted to feel like a weapon.

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Not to have a weapon or use a weapon - I wanted to BE and FEEL like a weapon. When I walk the streets, I feel a way most men can never feel.

And to do that, I have endured 10,000 cold nights. When I had graduated as a Master of Wudan I spent many years roaming from town to town. One day I fell in love.

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She said she would stay with me forever, sickness and health, no matter what. That I am the sword and she is the sheath, and we need each other.

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I believed her. She believed her. So I rented a small room. Concrete floor and straw pillow. I forbid us to touch - only body heat can be shared.

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She asked how long we must do this for, and my answer was simple: “Until mastery is attained.” When I woke the following morning she was gone. I never saw her again.

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I believe she loved me, I believe she wanted me. But there is a difference between the wants and needs of a normal person, and a Master such as myself.

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When I hear others talk of love, I pity them. How can you be in love on expensive holidays and sharing takeaway?

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None of you are in Love. Not to the standard of Wudan.

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Doubt me? Place her on a concrete floor, with a straw pillow.

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Such is the way of Wudan.

-TATESHINKAI